Don’t shuffle your feet and “don’t use facial expressions to express reluctance or demurral.” Strive for a neutral no. “Don’t make the other person feel bad for asking you for help.” No sighing, no grimacing, no it’s-not-my-turn-why-don’t-you-ask-Donna? “ Be kind, but firm.” Watch your tone and your body language, says Weeks. “The manner in which you say no is so important,” says Dillon. “If you’re saying you’re too busy to help, don’t cut out early and don’t be seen taking long, chatty breaks at the water cooler.” If you’re unable to offer small favors, be sure to keep workplace optics in mind. Even in saying no, you want to “convey team spirit,” she says. Perhaps you can attend brainstorming sessions, read first drafts, or simply serve as a sounding board. She suggests saying something like: “‘I realize that by saying no, this is going to be put back in your hands.’ The other person might not be happy with your answer, but he will be able to tolerate it.” Dillon suggests offering a lifeline by asking if there “are small ways you can be helpful” to the project. To maintain a good relationship with the person you’re turning down, it’s critical to “acknowledge the other side,” says Weeks. Dillon recommends describing your workload and the “projects on your plate” by saying something like, “I would be unable to do a good a job on your project and my other work would suffer.” If you’re challenged, stay steady, clear, and on message. Or they come across as disingenuous.” To limit frustration, be candid about why you’re saying no. “But the little, self-deprecating explanations are not persuasive and are easily batted aside. “Too often people start with lightweight reasons and hold back the real reason they’re saying no because they think it’s too heavy,” she says. If you realize you have neither the desire nor the bandwidth to help, and, therefore, need to turn down the request, be honest and up front about your reasons, advises Weeks. You need to know, for instance, “Is this a small thing that won’t take too long? Or is it a longer-term project? And how important is it?” She says the goal is for you to understand “how much your saying no is going to cost the other person” and for your counterpart to grasp the “repercussions of what he’s asking.” She suggests providing the person who’s making the request - be it a client, a coworker, or your manager - with “context” about your workload so he can “help you evaluate the scale and scope” of what he’s asking. “Don’t say no until you’re sure you need to.” The assessment ought not be a solo endeavor, adds Weeks. “Think about what’s on your plate, whether priorities can be shuffled, or whether a colleague could step in to assist you ,” she says. “People say, ‘There is no good way to give bad news.’ But there are steps you can take to make the conversation go as well as possible.” Here are some pointers.īefore you respond with a knee-jerk “no,” Dillon advises assessing the request first by determining how “interesting, engaging, and exciting the opportunity is,” and then by figuring out whether it’s feasible for you to help. Saying no is vital to both your success and the success of your organization - but that doesn’t make it any easier to do, says Holly Weeks, the author of Failure to Communicate. “You don’t want to be seen as ‘no person,’” says Karen Dillon, coauthor of How Will You Measure Your Life? “You want to be viewed as a ‘yes person,’ a ‘go-to person’ - a team player.” Trouble is, agreeing to work on too many assignments and pitching in on too many projects leaves you stretched and stressed. You feel lousy disappointing a colleague, guilty about turning down your boss, and anxious denying a client’s request. You might not have a choice in the matter, but if you do, how do you turn down the opportunity in a way that won’t offend the person offering? How can you avoid being labeled “not a team player” or “difficult to work with”?įor most of us, saying no doesn’t come naturally. ![]() Sometimes you have too much on your plate or you’re just not interested in taking on a project you’ve been asked to work on.
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